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How do I forgive someone who really hurt me?
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Short answer
Forgiveness is a choice to hand the debt over to God. It isn't a feeling or pretending it didn't matter, and it often takes time.
Forgiving doesn't mean calling it okay, trusting them again at once, staying where you are unsafe, or not reporting a crime. It means handing them to God and no longer demanding payback. God will judge justly, so you don't have to.
Why? Because you have been forgiven far more, as Jesus made very clear. And because bitterness grows roots that trouble you and those around you.
It is often a process. You may need to forgive the same thing many times as memories return. Feelings follow the choice, slowly.
Write down honestly what they did and what it cost you. Then pray: God, I hand this person and this debt to You. I won't take revenge. Help me. Pray it again when the anger returns.
My verses
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not just seven times, but seventy-seven times!
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, outcry and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and tenderhearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.
Bear with one another and forgive any complaint you may have against someone else. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Carefully consider what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible on your part, live at peace with everyone. Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.”
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God, and that no root of bitterness springs up to cause trouble and defile many.